right this very second

choices

ok, so its about choices

well right now, I could-

call the hospital and ask the nurse to tell my mum I love her.

Or not.

I could get hideously drunk until I forget about it all

or not

I could eat everything in the house and then purge until its all gone, and im empty, relieved again

or not

I could drink some more

or not

I could ask someone to help me, anybody to help me figure out what to do with the way I feel. oh. I tried that.

Or not

I could cut myself until it all ebbs away, and I find peace, just for a minute

or not

I could kill myself

or not

I could tell someone how much I love them

or not

I could scream and cry

or not

I could keep it all inside, like it always has been

or not

I could let ed show me the way through

or not

I could admit how much ive fucked up

or not

I could just watch my life runaway form me

or not

I could end it all right now, this very second.

Or not

I never was very good at making decisions

I'll tell you what though-I know which are the most appealing options right now. Does that make them the right ones? Well, I'd like to say I care, but right now, right this second that would be a lie.