I dont know any more. whatt the heck am i supposed to do.could someone PLEASE tell me, cos im not entirely sure how much longer i can function like this. Did i mention that i hate college?ok, so maybe i did a couple of times. some cacky little pikey came up to me today and said 'oooh YOUR that freaky girl whose mum killed herself. are you like, all emo or something, cos someone said that you wrote about cutting yuorself up?!'
AAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGG
i officially HATE my life
I dont understand why my mum hated me so much.the very ast thing she said to me was 'piss off'.why would you do that?what did i ever do that was so awful.and why would you have 5 children when you clearly didnt like any of them. I did everything she wanted and it was never enough. would it be enough if i died too?
I cant eat. I cant stay awake for more than 2 hours at a time, which aint that useful when you have this much to do.my new meds are making me want to jump off a bridge. i spent the whole of last week trying to call my cpn, and ahe doesnt seem to want to call me back. dont spose anyone fancies calling her and telling her ive actually lost it, and would she like to do her job??!!
i used to just want someone to tell me it would be ok, and that I would be ok-but i just dont believ it anymore.im not strong-and im not coping-all i do is make stupid jokes to deflect from the real issues-my mum just died, ive got a rape trial coming up, and Ed's trying to kill me.sweeeet.keep it coming. no.no more of this.thats it now.
Irregular Choice Festive Footwear 2022: Day 20
3 years ago
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6 comments:
Oh sweetheart Vicki - I HATE WHATS HAPPENED/HAPPENING to you, I can't comprehend WHY people at this College are so disgustingly cruel and downright despicable - its just NOT OK and NOT FAIR and I would give anything to be in the UK and blast the lot of them!!
Of course you are feeling like you are - I am not even going to say all the cliches that I probably should say - you know them all and hace heard them all, but its how you feel NOW that is what matters. I don't know what to tell you to help, I wish I had advice or a solution - I just keep hanging onto the fact that YOU ARE STILL HERE and STILL TRYING TO COPE and SURVIVE after everything, and that in itself is AMAZINGLY STRONG and FANTASTIC of you.
Honestly, not many people could be this gutsy, even though you feel you arent, you truly are!!
I am making no sense,sorry Vicki, I just feel helpless and so angry at what you have been through/are going through. How your mum was had NOTHING to do with you, you know that deep down - she wouldve still been in despair without you, as she simply wasn't well.
You know that, so don't go there - I know,easier said than done.
I just want to wrap you up and bring you to Australia and look after you!!!
Love you,
Jennifer xx
i agree i would then kidnap you from australia and bring you to new zealand! i am thinking of you so much vic, i cant beieve that kid, who says things like that in the world? im unhappy with how things are happening/happened. its not fair and you don't deserve to be treated like this by people from college, or the college itself. is there a college counsillor? could you use that is it is probably free? you are a beautiful diamond, and im sending you love light and serenity
That girl who said that to you, she is ignorant and therefore her opinion doesn't matter. Colleges are full of silly immature people like this, and the best thing to do is ignore them.
I'm sorry your CPN is being rubbish, and I can't even imagine how hard it must be dealing with what is happening right now, but if anyone can do it, you can Vic. You've dealt with a hell of alot already, and this in itself shows that you are strong. It will be ok, you need to get through each thing a step at a time, and gradually things will get better.
Just because things are hard right now, doesn't mean they will always be :-)
Sarah x
I think like Jennifer said, what you have to focus on is the fact that you are here now and still trying to cope and survive and that's what matters. That's what show how strong you are. You are so amazing and you don't deserve to have all this crap happening to you. I can't understand how the people at your college can act this way, and I don't understand your mum either. It's kind of the same way with my dad. I don't know what his problem is or why he hates me but what I've come to realize is that it's his problem and that nothing I do is going to make me like him and I can't live trying to change to be the way he thinks I should be because I'll never make him happy. And this is all his problem, not mine. I think you just have to do the same thing. Your mum had her own set of problems and whatever she thought about you wasn't because of something you did or didn't do even if she claims it was. The way she feels about you is her problem.
xoxo
I'm so angry at all the crap that has happened to you. I don't understand it, it makes me so sad because you are such an amazing person. It amazes me that you are so lovely and kind when all this shit has happened. I also agree with Jennifer, she speaks the truth. I'm thinking of you loads, and just want to go to Cornwall, give you a big hug and punch the stupid fucked up college people.
Love you beautiful!
xxxx
Gah, I don't understand those people at college, don't they have any compassion at all? Hang in there Vics, another couple of months of college and you can escape Cornwall entirely. In the meantime, call your CPN and tell her to get a wiggle on and be helpful! You know where I am if you want to talk <3
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