back to school baby!

So, Ive been on the day unit for about 3 months now. Doesnt seem like long at all...and already im worried about how quickly discharge dates will creep up on me. They used to say that the average length of treatment is 6 months....so id be halfway through. But it many ways i dont feel like ive got anywhere yet. Ive only just finished my assessment phase a couple of weeks ago, which means im only now starting to really talk about the super hard stuff in therapy. Sometimes they casually mention that they rekon il be there for about a year-which is frustrating, disappointing, and so so safety giving and wanted all in one. weird. But ive got very acustomed to my blue chair in the lounge.

Im going back to uni tomorrow. oh MG!its supposed to be to help me work through the difficulties it brings up for me while im on the unit-and give me the chance to do the exams i missed. so im going to be going in on tues mornings to join the new first years for practicals, seeing as i missed most of them last year.

really really not feeling it. I was so desperate to get back to it, and now its come to it, i just dont want to know.

all i want to do is sleep.

self induced technical difficulties

I think i have finally realised the reason why I'm not blogging much at the moment-

I'm just NOT that interesting.

So i wont continue to bore you with the details of my so called life. Because I have come to realise, that i dont actually HAVE one to write about.

meh.

im so tired and worn out. thursdays are HARD-pscotherapy day. i end up feeling so drained. already dreading the weekend, dont know what to do with all the empty time, cant afford to do anything fun, and feel really isolated and alone-i just dont fit with my friends from uni, and all my friends from cornwall are so far away, in both senses. Its all changed and i feel left behind all over again.

"chose a word to describe yourself...."

FAT

i cant stand how bloody fat i am.

im such a freakin ugly mess

excuse the language-but F**k this aka reasons why i can no longer be arsed

so, here i am, minding my own business, trying to die quietly (i have tonsillitis, and ear/chest infections on top of that-funtimes), and alright-fairplay, i know i tend to get 'manflu' cos im rubbish at dealing with being ill, but im really poorly and SOME KNOB has just been relentlessly thumping on my door. since 9pm. its now 11pm so im more than slightly pissed off. ive had to call the police, cos they kicked it so f***ing hard the lock is now a bit dodgy. so now instead of being in bed, im waiting for a freaking lockmith, for the second time since ive been in this hell hole place. I do so love my local council for housing me here. It makes so much sense to put a vulnerable female who is living on her own-who they have housed for being vulnerable-in the MIDDLE OF A FUCKING DRUG DEN.THANKYOU SOO MUCH COUNCIL FOR HOUSING ME IN A FLAT SOMEONE GOT STABBED IN, WHERE THE LAST TENNANT WAS A FREAKING DEALER, SO NOW EVERYONE COMES TO MY DOOR LOOKING FOR FIXES, AND KCIKS IT IN WHEN I CANT GIVE THEM ANYTHING. THANKYOU, THATS GREAT.OH AND 2 PEOPLE GOT SHOT OUTSIDE MY BLOCK LAST MONTH, JUST TO ADD TO THE GENERAL FABULOUSNESS THAT IS THIS ESTATE.

and people wonder why i just cant be bothered anymore.