A letter im sorely tempted to send

Yesterday i went through my post for the week-had just ignored it all and chucked it all in pile, cos i couldnt quite face the enevitable rubbish for joncentre plus

I GOT EIGHT LETTERS FROM THEM IN A WEEK!!!!

one to tell me the date of my appeal
one to change date of appeal
one to ask me to confirm my address(errrr, ok?)
one to change date of appeal back to original date
one to tell me that they had no record of my claim enquiry(so why the appeal hearing dudes!go on, use your brain just a little!)
one to ask for a new med (mine still covers me for another 4 weeks)
one containing a form to appeal for a care grant(for who?!to care for myself??)
and one asking me to resubmit all my appeal evidence(copies of letters, note from consultant at hosp etc)nice to know they take care of these things!

i've just composed them a nice little letter, which im very tempted to send

dear knobcentre plus

yes, thats a deliberate typo, as I cannot believe anyone with a brain would have sent me the letters i have received in the past week. I understand that problems arise-so have no issue with the date of my appeal being changed.I do however find it slightly confusing to recieve 2 letters telling me differeing dates, both with the same postal date. I'm also mystrified as to why you would WRITE to someone to ask for address conformation. A phone call i could undersand. But-having spent the last year exchanging pleasentries with you (and very enjoyable its been too) i would have hoped that you could have least grasped where i live. But alas, I confirm i am indeed residing at the same address you sent all those other letters to.

Thankyou for your concern regarding my medical certificate expiary.As you could no doubt see (if you logged into your computer) mine does not run out for another month.But I do appreciate the hint that it will probably take you this long to process my new one, so i shall send it along promptly, which should allow you three weeks or so to click the 'release payment' button on the computer.

I would very much like to take up your offer of a care grant, thankyou very much. I can only assume its to make up for the fact that i have not been in receipt of an ESA payment for 4 MONTHS now, and that you obviously have a sudden overwhelming concern that you have indeed left me to starve and become homeless.I thankyou for your efficiency. I do though fear that i would have died of malnutrittion before you process the forms-so do us all a favour and dont bother, eh?

i again (for the third time) enclose the evidence for my appeal. please try not to lose it this time, as i have to pay my GP everytime he writes the explanatory letters for me.

As ever, thankyou for your sympathetic service

with best wishes
(that they sack you all very very soon)
vicki baker(yes-the same one that lives at the above address, and who, does, infact exist).

knobcentere plus feel my wrath!cos im so NOT in the mood right now.

hurray!survived morning at college, now off to HTT handover meeting thingy

xxx