Friday

I dont really know why-but ive been waiting for friday to come around all week. This is odd-because nothing is going to happen any dofferently tomorow.I have nothing planned. As usual, I dont need to go into the lessons that run at 'my place of learning' on Fridays, as they are not compulsory if you can do the work at home. I was thinking i'd go in and swhow that im not taking this shit from them.But really, im not that brave.

Back to the Friday thing.Its not like im even thinking-oh yehaa weekend ahoy or anything. so its weird that i have spent the ENTIRE week being focussed on getting to friday. maybe its because it means i'll have dragged my sorry ass through another week. I dont really like weekends anyway-i know-shock horror-but i like the structure if a weekday.they fit nicely into my routine. weekends just throw a spanner into the works. And at the moment-i'm slightly ashamed to admit that i cannot deal with any sort of change to my routine. And sundays entirely mess up my 'go shopping for days food' routine ( i buy small amounts each day to help prevent binging-by only having that days meals in house) by the shops being open at different times. And everyone wants to relax and do fun things on sundays.This isnt in my routine.so i cant do it.

I think i need therapy.

so i'm a bit confused right now.well thats nothing new really. I know exactky whats going to happen tomorow-because its friday, and this is what happens on fridays- i'll have obligatory argument with jobcentre plus as soon as phoneline opens (9am) as they will have not paid me again. Then il have a little cry for 10 minutes at how shit they are. because im 'allowed' to be upset' by this.I'l have meals at my usual times. il go to the library and get some books for the weekend. i'l consider going to my IT lesson at 'place of learning' for 5 minutes before i come to the conclussion its a total waste of £5 bus fare. I'll go to topshop, and admire pretty things for a while, play 'i wish' and maybe even try some things on to kill some time. you dont need to tell me how tragic this is.i know. i'l wish i was going out and having a good time in the evening, instead of crying about how hideous i look and feel. if im especially lucky il spend the evening in a and e getting stitched up.who wouldnt enjoy a day like that!

i really DO need therapy

so i dont know why im so excited itsd friday tomorow.Because it doesnt actually mean anything at all.I'm feeling so sad right now.i dont even know where to start.

but hey, its friday tomorow

xxx