Noise

The noise in my head is so loud and it never lets up, not even for a second. It's been a while since I've felt this unwell, this unable to manage. But I don't feel able to cope. The noise drowns out every sane thought I have.

" stupid, fat, idiot, fat, bitch, not good enough, horrible, fat, ugly, numbers, size, fat, rubbish, weird, unlikeable, fat, alone, deserve to die, stupid, unworthy, freak, unloveable, lonely, fat, skanky, stupid stupid stupid Fat fat fat fat far fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat FAT"

Repeat for the rest of my life.

The noise wins. I can't sleep, I cant concentrate, I can't hear people even, because it's all so loud.

Noise, your prize is I give up. Trying to have a life just doesn't work. I try and be well and you are just too too loud.

Getting un-lost

I got lost
Then I started to get un lost
I felt like me
For a fleeting moment
And now I'm getting lost again.
What If I never find my way back?

Does anyone read this?! (read the disclaimer!)

Ok, my disclaimer for this post is that its my first weekend after finishing at the day hospital and i feel wobbly and lonely and really stressed. So I normally loathe myself for being needy and insecure,

but just wondered if anyone was there?