and then sometimes it gets too much

so, for the last week I've had this pretty much continuous flashback playing through at the back of my head, like background noise. It just wont go away. I'm having this constant fight to not just continuously zone out and tune into it...and trying to keep on doing anything is really hard.

Then in group today my head just melted and i couldnt keep pushing it back anymore. literally ended up a soggy crying crumbled heap. I couldnt stop for so long, i didnt know where i was, what i was doing, who was with me, anything, i just felt lost. It took a long time to get back from that, and now, i think, well what happens if i cant get back from it on my own? What happens if i just lose it totally?