What does general sillyness ACTUALLY mean? I dont know.I just couldnt think of a title for this blog post.
it could mean quite a lot of things i guess.
Its probably a little silly that i just had a massive 'i feel and look like a hideous freak' and cancelled my date tonight. Its probably a little silly that im sitting here wishing I was someone else. Its equally silly that i'm having enormous issues with SI right now. ive just manged to burst a freaking stressball. i dont think your supposed to be able to do that.
its probably even more stupid that i just smashed up the only photo of mum and me i have in a fit of anger. I feel really bloody angry at her right now.for everything.for all the shit. for all her shit.for ED.for all the shit i was pushed into doing to make her happy.well, look where its got me.fucking nowhere. i dont know what i feel like, or who i am anymore.im just the girl wih the playdough.yay me. and freaking jobcentre managed to screw up my paymebt again.I now havnt had an actual ESA payment for nearly 4 months.i just get these emergency payments, or half of what im due-never the actual amount im supposed to.so what ARE they doing with the money anyway-cos im doubting they are ploughing it back in to the servivce to improve its effeiciency or anything.maybe they are docking postage costs from my payments for all the many, many letters i get a week. Either way im getting sick of attempting to make a fiver last 2 weeks, and having to ask friends to help me.cos it makes me feel like scum.
at this point id normally consider calling the out of hours service. but instead, i shall make models of my 'feelings' with the playdough, and save them the bother of telling me to do it!
xxx
Irregular Choice Festive Footwear 2022: Day 20
3 years ago
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3 comments:
Hey hon. I'm sorry this is so crappy right now--I've done that with the stress ball too :) But I think it's really good that you're using it--you can keep fighting the SI urges and you are not a freak. You are a fabulous amazing person.
And I think it's pretty understandable that you'd be mad at your mum right now.
Maybe make models of knobcentre employees to smash!
I will post something Trixie for you:) **hugs**
you are not a freak darlin, and keep on doing what your doing fighting those SI urges, you are amazing!!!!
you may be the strongest person i know
You are no way a hideous freak...absolutely no way. Times are tough right now, and if the pressure of a date was too much, then it's fine to cancel. It's ok to feel angry, what with all that has happened, but don't take it out on yourself, because you don't deserve that.
Wretched job centre, and the treatment people...they are the hideous freaks Vic, not you.
Keep fighting
Sarah x
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