what kind of different?

A momentous, moomintastic (thanks sarah!) moment!
I thought I was going to keel over with shock when i actually got a helpful response from benefits agency.Shame they had to spoil it by adding how long the £30 had to last for. But i'll gloss over that cos i haven't got time to be worried about anything wlse, and het its all about small victories right?

I also saw my best friend today, who was down from Bristol for the weekend. I'd been looking forward to seeing her for soo long, but was also a bit scared, becasue why would she bother with me when she's got loads of super cool uni friends now, you know. And im just odd ol me.I always felt so flattered that she botherd with me at all, but shes fab and i love her to bits.she stuck by me through some awful times last summer, when i went a wee bit nuts, and helped me to sort things out. So, i saw her today, and she hugged me and we both squeeled a bit, and then she said that i looked so different now.
its only been like 6 months!

Different how?obviously the first thing i thought was, bloody hell, i didnt think id put on that much weight, she thinks im massive and fat etc etc (which I KNOW she wouldnt ever actually think!) then i was thinking, well 'better different', 'worse/fat/ill' different, like a loser, or what. It really threw me. It was such a throw away comment, and i think, actually it was prob about my hair.and yeh, ive got that lush puffy cheek from purging thing going on at the moment. And i was wearing something other than the sailor dress (its sooo amazing) or the bird print dress which i practically loved in all last year, rain or shine.

I hate how i jump to paranoid conclussions, and turn something that doesnt really mean anything into something that then, somehow, means everything. She was just saying i looked different, abd i have, like an internal meltdown about it!

I'm feeling really strung out right now, because i have to g to london for my interview at St Georges tomorowfor uni, and im peeing my pants about it.I dont know what to wear, i havnt travelled for so long, and its 6 hours on a train, and tube at the other end, and im scared of so many people. I havnt been back to london for about 4 years, after i ran away to cornwall to get away from things, and try and sort myself out.im terrified. And i get so anxious about time, and il worry the whole way that i will miss trains, or they will be late and i wont get connection and il be stuck in middle of nowhere etc etc etc. And what i know about 'current news topics relating to physiotherapy' is not even enough to write on a bloody stamp.I know all the old things, like argu,ments over pay scales and stuff, but ive been so busy, well just keeping myself, like alive, this has kinda snuck up on me. So im trying to read stuff, and the more i try and find the more scared i get. And i keep inexplicably ending up in floods of tears. I cried for hours all over my friend today. I cried when i got home, and im kinda crying a bit now.what the hell is wrong with me?

but, on the plus side, i haven't got to have tesco value noodles or similar for my dinner tonight! small merices, eh?