I dont know what to do. I feel like i want to hurt myself for being so rubbish and not being able to sort this out. i feel like id be better off dead. ive been trying today, realy i have.i feel like shit and i dont know what to do.i wish i just didnt have to wake up anymore,what the hell is wrong with me?
ok, like brilliant katie says, i shall try and rationalise it
.i;ve got no money.thanks jobcentre 'plus'. stupid idiots.
.above means i cant stick to mealplans which means im fucked for a couple of weeks.its soo hard.
.its nearly mothers day.there arnt words. i could have been a mum. i could have been better to my mum.i could have understood.
.i just feel like im the most rubbish person ever.
.i wish i was better at coping.i wish i could stop crying.
Irregular Choice Festive Footwear 2022: Day 20
3 years ago
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5 comments:
you are amazing. i felt like this 2 months ago, like i really really felt like this i know where you are right now and i know how hard it is. i know it feels like you want to sleep all the time, i was the same, those were my exact words. i am sending you so much strength. and just know that you can get through this, the other side feels brilliant, i promise.
recovery is hard, and you have been through somuch and finding the right help is important at the moment. maybe call a cpn for now.
today you are you
that is truer than true
there is no-one alive
who is youer than you
one day you will be a mother, a brilliant one, at the right time for you. you made the decision at the time that was right at the time.
your first goal is to get through this. i did a post a few posts ago called yogi lou.. theres a few tips in there that got me out of this blue feeling of depression, i didnt feel like doing any of them, but with force they slowly got easier and i want to do them now.
i believe in you vics.
you deserve to recoverand be happy
you are a beautiful person
and you can get through this.
i can feel your pain through your post. and i just want you to know that it is doable.
theres a website called www.thelowdown.co.nz
theres some videos of people who have beaten depression, they r mainly nz celebs, but i used to listen to that cos they are all people who have come out on the other side and they all say you are not alone and it feels niuce to hear them.
sending you love
x
You are not the most rubbish person ever. You're trying to deal with some difficult stuff at the moment, and the jobcentre aren't exactly helping. Katie is right. It is possible to rationalise this...it might take some time, but you can.
And if it helps, you have nothing to be ashamed of. You can still be a mum, I think you'd make an awesome mum one day, and your own mum is lucky to have you. It's easy to blame ourselves and think we could have done this or we could have done that, but no one can control the world. Thing happen. We are never going to be happy about all of those things, nor can we control them all, but nonetheless we can learn from all of them and use that knowledge to build a better future.
You're on the way towards a better future, but there might be some bumps along the way. But you will get there, because you are strong and determined (and also brilliant!) ;)
Sarah x
I second all that Lou lou says, I believe a lot of sh*t has happened to you, but I know you will come out stronger and happier.
A good friend of mine described it like a graph, and we start at the bottom and it goes up and down and back up and down, at the end we have worked our way up to the top, through all the downs, and are better for it.
No one says it's going to be easy, but bloody hell it's worth it.
Also you are so so so not rubbish. And you would NOT be better dead, you are worth so so much, it pains me that you feel like this because I know that it sucks, and I know it feels that light will never penetrate the darkness you feel, but it so will.
Also you put at the end "I wish I was better at coping", well hun, with all of the things you've been through I admire so much the way you are coping.
Well that was a ramble of a post- but I mean ALL of it :)
You are worth so much
xxxx
vic my facebook isnt working. ill keep trying im so sorry it cut out during our conversation.
ill be on gmail if get a gmail and that works. ok?
im sending you so much good thought and thinking of you ok.
sending you everything.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Hey hun, sorry for the late reply to this but I have been here before (not the same circumstances) but felt I was better off dead. I'm so glad I didn't go through with it. I'm so so sorry you are feeling like you are. It's a horrible feeling but if you can ride through it, it will eventually get a little better. It won't always be this way. I hope you're okay! Oh and by the way, I think you are an awesome, beautiful person!
*hugs*
Sarah
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