I just want to talk to someone.Someone who wont tell me its inappropriate to talk to then about things, and tell me to wait until i see the next person.
since about this time-ish last year i have been refered to more people than i can count.And none of them listened to what was really going on. I have been diagnosed with an eating disorder.then told i dont have one.then i do.then im too depressed to have an ED (if you can tell me the logic in that, i'd be intrigued).
I saw the crisis team last summer, and they were helping me to learn to talk, until they decided i was better and completely dumped me.I went from full on seeing someone twice a day to having no support for 3 months just like that. It took me another 4 months to get a new cpn.I've been refered between Ed services and the MHT countless times, as they both think the other should help me first. the counselling service said i was too much of a self harm risk.Ed servoce dont want to know until ive had help for the SI behaviour. eeerrr and this works how!
im not stupid.I know im the one that has to do the work, im he one that has to change,i WANT to.im trying.I just need some guidance.
The thing is, i stopped talking before.I mean, literally, completely stopped.Id been told so many times to STOP talking-when i was at uni and needed help, by my 'ED is normal' mother, and by people who have the attitude of 'just forget about it and move forward'. well you cant move forward until you accept. It took me a long time to start talking again, and thn i managed to tell a couple of people what had happened. And they encouraged me o start talking so i did, and it took some of the weght of it away.Then they tried to find me someone to talk to ona regular basis, and i started seeing someone from the mental health trust who just repeatedly told me to put it in the past and sit with the feelings.
well yeh, i do. day in and say out. but all that is doing is reinforcing he shame i feel. It makes me feel insignificant.and it makes me feel like im being stupid.i feel really alone.and scared and uneasy.i dont trust myself.and i feel like im an idiot for feeling anything other than ok. I actually feel more messed up than i did before i started trying to get myself some support.
I guess i'l just sit on it.
Irregular Choice Festive Footwear 2022: Day 20
3 years ago
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5 comments:
Alas the mental health services here often like to pass the buck, I remember my first (and last!) appointment with the mental health people here in Sheffield after I got discharged from inpatient treatment, in which I was told every issue I raised was 'not their responsibility'. Whilst you do need to put the past behind you and move forward, you do actually often need a bit of help to work through these issues before you can put them behind you, and I'm sorry to hear that the people who are supposed to be 'helping' you, have not been supportive in enabling you to do this.
It very much is a postcode lottery as to what help you can access for stuff like this, but hopefully eventually you will be able to find someone who can actually help you resolve these issues.
I wish I could help, but what I will say is that you have nothing to be ashamed of. Nothing. In spite of all that you have been through you have developed into a lovely, kind and caring young woman, and that is something to feel proud about.
Sarah x
hiiiiii mate
i sent you an email with some stuff i looked up in cornwall
i know it may not be your thing but i found mercy ministries in UK. I know that they see girls who have all kinds of problems including eating disorder, and after looking into them more and asking people we have found out that it isnt like brainwashing bible college, there is a christian aspect sure, but it has for real psychologists and specialists.. it is only female and apparently has a really really loving environment.
i think being in this kind of place you would be able to find some help.. but also your loveing and kind nature would benefit the other girls who are ion their trying to get help for their troubles.
i found a few other things like medatating places and stuff haha. but hey .. a combination of all kinds can help lift depression.
i am so sorry you have been through such a huge bunch of people.. it shows your true determination to recover though! and i am so proud of you for persevering, you should be too.
you are an inspiration!!!!!
so keep your chin up and lets look for another answer.
its out there.
i ahve a good book i just got it might be at your library. its called overcoming binge eating by alan someone.. ill look it up again, the nz counsellors basically run their programme off it.. when my therapist dumped me se said i should try it, the first haf is info the second half is a programme.
its pretty good.
im doing it in the meantime till i can get help.
lots of aroha
kia kaha
Just want you to know that I'm thinking of you and hope that you do end up finding someone who can help you hun! I wish I could help you more, I really do! I just want you to know that I'm thinking of you.
*hugs*
Sarah
*hugs* have you been to, or can you get referred to the eds at Plymouth? I know it's a bit out of the way... but I was passed from person to person and then I got referred to there, and they said that although they're not convinced that my ed is my main problem, they wanted to give me therapy to help me work out my relationship issues with people and my body... It's so hard, when you're told one thing, and then another, and all you want is some guidance. I hope you find some soon.
Don't stop talking though, don't keep it buried. You have nothing to be ashamed of. I wish I could help.
Also, thanks for your advice on halls. I've actually stayed overnight in the halls at Falmouth, and I hated it. Thought it was horrible, and also, the rooms have en-suites, and having a toilet directly opposite my bed weirded me out, I'm not quite sure why, though!
I hope you have a lovely day. Take care,
Love Petal xo
The NHS mental health services are a bit of a nightmare really. I don't know if it would be worth pursuing this now if you're moving up to London this september, but it sounds like maybe dialectical behaviour therapy might be helpful? It's a long term therapy (like a year or more) which is a combination of CBT, individual therapy and mindfulness techniques, and it is really really good for things like self harm and eating disorders. A lot of NHS trusts offer it now, I did it for six months here in Dorset. Maybe once you are at university you could see what the services offer there? They might be a bit better funded than the ones in Cornwall. Until then, have you ever had a look for free counselling services? Some charities offer it, and some colleges which train counsellors let their almost-qualified students loose on clients too. I had free counselling for six months from a third year counselling student in Bournemouth and the lady was lovely.
I know how hard it is not to take this stuff personally but the only reason you're not being helped is because the NHS mental health services are so underfunded. It's not your fault <3 and it doesn't mean that you don't deserve help or that you will never get it.
x
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