Alternate endings

Have you ever read one of those books, where you can choose the ending? Like, each page had a next bit of the story, and you pick option A, B or C to decide what happens next.
same story, but so many different endings.

I have been told many times recently that you should not regret decisions from your past, because you did what you thought was for the best at the time, in the given circumstances.

But it could have been so different.

heres the scenario

 Girl goes to a party, gets her drink spiked and gets raped. she tries to tell people because she needs help but noone belives her and she gets bullied, and the university threatens to chuck her out. Ed offers to help her feel better, and pretty soon its worse than its ever been. And she doesnt realise it for a long while, but she is pregnant.

option A
she keeps the baby, and tries to love it, but everytime she looks at it she feels she cant connect.That the baby is something that was part of him. she muddles through life, and tries to do her best for the baby.and makes up a story about the dad, for the child, because look what happened last time she told. And how do you tell a child, YOUR child that anyway.

Option B
she has the baby, and has it adopted.but spends the rest of her life longing and wondering about her child.she gave it up for the babies best interests.But how would you feel if you were the child, and when you were older you asked about your parents, trid to find out.what would the truth do to you?

Option C
Its really late before you realise what is going on.you find out you are pregnant and you feel sick, and your blood runs cold.you feel repulsed, not by the baby, but how it got there,and it makes your skin itch. You have an abortion, but you cannot ever forgive yourself.you have nightmares everynight, and dream about what the baby would have looked like.you haste yourself a little more everyday, until it eats away at all of you, til theres nothing left. you thought it was the only thing to do at the time, but now you wonder.

what really gets me, is that even now, i dont know what the best thing to do was, and i think thats what is tearing at my head everyday.I love children, but i am pro-choice.
but i am not pro-mychoice.
i wish i could explain.i feel like muck. I dont think any of the options has a particulary positive side.
im going around in circles here.because i could do the same thing for what happened when i spoke about it.
if id kept my mouth shut, and pulled my head back together, i could be a mother.all i want in the world.my baby didnt deserve that. I could have carried on at uni.maybe i did really want to do that course, and maybe this stuff got in the way-i dont really know.i could have qualified as a vet last year.big whoop-di-do.
nothing seems iportant after i did that.

ive thought hard about wether this is an appropriate post.But this is my blog, and my thoughts. I dont want to cause anyone any offense, i really dont, i just needed to let it ot of my head.I was writing something ese, and before i realised it, had deleted that, and writen half of this.so maybe it wants to be said.

i respect everyones personal opinions as regards to this tpic, but please-i really dont need any anti abortion lectures, because i hate myself as it is, and really, you couldnt make me feel any worse anyway.and i dont mean any offense by writing that either.
i give up.im talking in muddled circles now.

xxx