im sorry for all the detail in my last post, i thought about deleting it, but then thought it wouldnt be true to me, and the whole reason i started my blog was to talk about how i felt.
I wouldnt be in awe of me, athough it was so nice of you to say.i feel like all i ever to is mess things up, upset the balance.
i cannot belive they stored my things for 5years. walked onto the halls and went to talk to the warden to apologise for leaving all my stuff there, and say sorry for all the time they must have spent getting rid of it.Instaed turns out they kept everylast bit of it in storage room, thinking that i would come back when i felt ready i guess. 5 years!crazy.
now i am surrounded by fragments of my past.I found a box of Cd's-phitos of my ponies, which is great. i found diary from then, and i cant stop myself from reading it.Notes from the guyt that hurt me, telling me toshut the hell up talking about it. A letter from the police about court case.o it turns out this happened to 2 other girls accept they were too scared to speak up after they saw what happeed to me.
feel more lost than ever.they went to police- so did i actully but not enough evidence, and now kkwp asking meto be witness with her.
i wish alll this stuff would have just styd where it was!
xxx
Irregular Choice Festive Footwear 2022: Day 20
3 years ago
Posts
3 comments:
Awww, I'm so sorry this is haunting you like it is. Have you every though of a ritual burning. I know that sounds weird but I had stuff that was holding me back, diaries and letters and one night a friend and I got a bon fire going and as I threw each piece in, I closed my eyes and imagined that part of me, breaking away and floating out of me. I did this with every single diary and letter I put in and it felt so damn good. In the end I whispered to myself, something along the lines of, as these papers burn, the memories of these days also burn, I will no longer carry all of you, all these memories inside of me. I release you! when I said this I close my eyes and imagined that I could see all the little bits of hurt floating into the sky and flying away. It made me feel so good. I know that sounds very witchy and I don't know how you feel about this, but you know, I was trying to cleanse my soul and it did. One thing though, is never in doing this ask for harm on the people who hurt you, just ask that what they have brought to you is removed and released. I hope this doesn't make you feel weird by me saying this but I find doing something physically about old memories can pave the way for new ones and help you move on.
*hugs*
Sarah
Your honesty is much appreciated and I for one think you are brave both to have got through all this, and to share your experiences on this blog.
By doing this you are helping, reassuring and inspiring others who have gone through similar things.
Nonetheless the past has happened, there is nothing we can do to change it except learn from it and move on as best we can.
Sarah x
cool what uni are you going to? I'm actually going to college to do a 1-yr foundation diploma in art, then hopefully back off to uni to do yet another degree after deciding I didn't want to continue my Master subject (Criminology) to PhD level.
Halls vs own place - that's a tricky one..when I was a postgrad I lived with a load of undergrads in halls and I felt really out of place, but then again you're probably not so much of a hermit as me - I like my own space, although I do socialise from time to time ;)
xxx
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