ED's a twisted sneaky little bugger! It makes you measure your self worth in terms of what you weigh. I uses to have good or bad days just based on what I weighed, and what Ed deemed acceptable. I used to look in the morror and see ED looking back at me, empty eyes, blank expression,pale skin and puffy cheeks, and now well thatsa changing!
Everyday that I manage to keep fighting I get a tiny little more of a glimpse of ME. And I think I might get to like me, well, the bits that are there so far, well they seem pretty damn cool!haha im joking, but seriously, how do you see yourself? I guess this follows on from my last post quite nicely really. I see myself as lots of different versions of me, and each of them helps me at the time i need them most. I can be Vicki the warrier when I need to FIGHT!I can be silly Vic when im having FUN.I can be super duper cool Vic when I need to feel confident.I can be loser Vic.I can be Vic with her head screwed on when i need to be brainy(that doesnt happen much!).
There are lots of different shapes of me and they are all valid. They are all worth something, even on the days I feel they arnt.I feel lost inside myself a lot, like i need to chip away at the layers.
Truth is I just need to accept all the parts that make up me, and fight to fill the space that Ed claimed with more of me.
Im not very good at taking compliments, but im going to write this one down, beause it might sound silly but it means a lot, and i got it at just the right time today when I felt like I was slipping. I got a letter from somebody who is absolutely amazing today, and I'm so lucky that i met her.
'Remember, your Ace, Funny and talented, fabulously brilliant, and above all, your YOU'.'
What Im trying to say in my usual bumbling way, is that you have to believe in yourself. I let myself beleive what she said for a minute and i could ROAR. now thats recovery feels like for me.
All that really matters is how you see yourself:)
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6 comments:
How encouraging! Haha that hotdog picture is hilarious, I love it. I love the idea of filling the ED space with more true Vic space. Go girl!
hot dog picture.
is. amazing.
haha
very positive post !!!!! hope your having a great day. ROOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRR
You are pretty damn cool! So go you! I love that cat picture. It looks a little like my cats. I too feel like I have so many different "mes" and I've always felt that was a problem--almost like which one is real? But you're right, they're all real and all valid and they each have a role to play in helping me when I need it. So hanks for that insight :)
You ARE awesome. I love your positiveness (is that a word) and your ability to make me laugh. There have been times when I have read your words and I have burst out laughing. To be able to do that too, is a really awesome and amazing quality. We are all fabulous :-)
*hugs*
Sarah
thanks everyone, you are all super sweet-and like you say, we are ALL pretty damn cool hahaha
and im going to get a job writing the messages inside greetings cards for hallmark now...must be my true calling in life! :p haha
you all make me smile!
You are awesome, and after reading your amazing comment on my last blog post about children, you have my heartfelt admiration.
You are so compassionate in your understanding of others and the way you talk about your mum...I think if you decide to have children you would be a fantastic mum.
Thanks again for the comment. I felt privileged to have it on my blog :-)
Sarah x
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