oh will you just give it a rest ED!

seriously, is severly pissing me off today. So i kinda messed up and binged this morning, and with some awsome encouragement got myself back on track(thanks) enough to stop freaking out about it. Which, actually is a massive improvement, as previously it probably would have triggered another binge.
Ykow i dont think i ever really acknowledged how ill Ed makes me feel, or maybe its because i chose to see it now. I feel ill, and so tired, dragging my arse up everyday is such a huge effort but i know i cant give in to it again, because il just end up back in my gloomy hole again.
I dont really know how im feeling right now, edgy i guess, and i cant put my finger on why, maybe im worried il binge and purge and muck my tummy up even more. Ed loves the damage ive managed to do, but then it bloody well would, the sneaky little...ugh isnt a word i can use on here that does it justice!

Funny old day, feels like its been all disjointed,its kinda late now, but dont feel settled enough to sleep, but not with it enough to tackle the mountain of work i need to do!

been looking through some stuff Brunel Uni sent me, and its kinda exciting thinking about the future now, because yay i did it, im getting to where i want to be, and i never thought i would be able to. but now, when i think about the future, well its not just full of the never ending-ness of ED. I can see where i want to be, and even better, i can see how to get there.

So im really putting everything i have into telling ED where to bloody well shove it!