I thought i was doing so well, i thought i was beginning to see the pieces of me and how to put them back together again. I thought it could maybe be ok. Why cant i get any space from ED, i feel like its got its hands around my neck and I cant breathe. Why cant i Just stop doing this.
sorry.
Last night I had today planned put and it was going to be sweeeet. A real me day.
So when i woke up this morning-sfter i had some really horrible flashbacky dreams-always that bloody smithdown road-i just had the most horrendous urge to hurt myself, like worse than ever before. I guess theres only so long you can put a brave face on your stress-but actually i thought i was dealing, and i loved how positive i was starting to feel. But now I feel ive been trampled over by ED. why am i such an idiot? i tried so hard to fight it, and i felt trapped in all these bad memories, and it was the only was to make it go away. So i didnt spend the morning in town looking at fabric, buttons and bows.I spent it in A and E getting stitches.
Go me.or not.
i hope this isnt triggering, and im sorry.
Irregular Choice Festive Footwear 2022: Day 20
3 years ago
Posts
6 comments:
baby girl. i am so sorry you had a hard day. get back on the horse, treatment is not far away now, i am so sorry with every being in my soul that anythin bad ever happened to you, i wish with my heart of hearts i could give you a big hug. thinking of you.
x
loubie i feel like i cant do this:(
thankyou, your too nice. I wish i could give you a hug too
x
oh lovely you are not an idiot...you can get back on track, the bad days are horrible, but you will be stronger having gotten through them.
The pieces are still coming together, and I'm very much liking the picture you are making with them :-)
Don't give up on yourself and have hope! You can do this!
Hugs
Sarah x
U CAN U CAN U CAN.
YOU CAN DO IT G, HONEST TO BLOG :)
now read some of your posts that make you smile, ring your cpn, and make sure you have support. write to me again about recovery and treatment.
you are a brilliant person and you deserve to be happy, you deserve to have it all
awww hun, I'm sorry. I understand this urge. I don't know how many times I have spent time in a medical centre or hospital getting stitched up because it all just got too much. It's a horrible feeling but you know what, it doesn't change the fact that you are a lovely beautiful and funny person who is oh so creative. I hope you are feeling a little better. Thing with SI is the temporary feeling of feeling better and then the guilt and shame of the injury later on. Know that you can move on and feel better and you will be okay, even when it feels like crap. Think of that little friend you have, Julian Paul, he will make you feel better. Ziggy sends his love and he says to tell you that he thinks bows are amazing and he is going to sow some purple ones on each pair of Andy's undies. He thinks that will make Andy feel special and manly next week when he is at work.
*hugs*
Sarah xx
**hugs** I'm so sorry that this happened. It does not mean that you're a failure or that you can't get back on track. These things happen. It's part of recovery (a nasty part) but it doesn't mean that you can't get through this. You can. You are a wonderful person and I've so enjoyed getting to know you. You are smart and strong and funny and you can get through this. One step at a time and one day at a time.
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