Its like lightbulbs on a circuit board Vic!

I just had a really helpful converstaion with Someone from the Out of Hours Service-I used to see him a lot when i saw the Home Treatment team over the summer. Anyways he alwasy comes up with the best analagies, and i wish id written more of them down! I like talking to him, Cos he lets me waffle on til im ready to tellhim what the problem is, or whats worrying me, and he offers ideas, or guidance-but always makes you feel that the ball is in your court, and that you can figure things out.

Anyways, we were talking about how recovery is about learning to put yourselffirst, and not feel guilty for it, and we were talking a little about how the thing from your past can feel like they are pilling up and consuming all your thoughts at once.

'its like lightbulbs on a circuit board, Vic, you dont want just one bulb glowing brightly, try and share it out so they all glow a little'

so you dont focus on one bad thing after another-more like you try and shift the attention gradually so its less between all...so you end up not thinking about it so much, and have such bad feelings associated with it-like when you talk about it, dont use big 'drama type' words, as it gives it power. Using real basic language to describe an event can take some of the momentum out of it, so it doesnt sound-and then feel-as powerful. You know, its not like you should think of it as trivialising past events-anything that has that kind of prodimance in your past will effect you, but its about managing how it makes you feel. Better to have circuit board powered all over-but with a lower glow, than pouring all the energy into literally one area.

Another good one he came out with, which will actually make you think quite a lot, is this exercise he told me.

Think of the two sides of yourself. One of you chilled out, relaxed, happy, satisfied with life, the way you want things to be, or are on a good day. Then think about the reverse of that-stressed/struggling withbehaviours/anxious/inablity to cope/life piling up on you. Once you've got an idea in your head of how you feel on these two flip sides, draw the FIRST object that comes into your head, when you think of each side of you...

The CPN i spoke to on the phone said his were a deckchair-for when hes chilled out and happy and having a break, and a firework, for whens he is stressed/driven/highly focussed on completing something/wound up etc

In life, both of these sides can help you, but they will opose eachother. If you have things that have to be done, workwose/schoolwise, or just lifewise, then the'firework' side of you will push you to achieve this (even though the deckchair side will be telling you to chill out, look at all the mess the firework has made exploding etc etc). Reverse also true-need to relax, calm down, give yourself a break-well the firework part of you isnt able to do that, you need to switch to deckchair mode.

I think the point he was getting at-and im quite happy to be corrected here-is that instead of constantly fighting yourself to be the perfect person all time, with perfect personality traits-well, accept that at different times in life, and in different situations, we will need to 'switch pictures' to the one that will best aid us at the time. because people are complex, and continually change to adjust to new situations-you just have to trust yourself. Ok so i havnt explained thisi nearly as well as he did-but it helps, if you think about it.

I know what my 'driven/stress' mode picture would be- one of those pressure cookers, with the lead ever so gradually about to blow...but i get a blank when i think of the other side-i guess im trying to hard, or maybe i just have to learn what that side of me is, and stop beating myself up all the time.

This CPN really helped me change my view of life-i went from feeling that i didnt want to live, i couldn do anything, and just not wanting to be here anymore, to thinking about how i can make myself happier, when things go pearshaped-BIG change. Also is kinda funny-he spent all summer telling me that one day, I'd feel different, come through the other side, and believe them when they said id be doing things with my life...i laughed when they encouraged me to apply to college, and then Uni...but hey, check me!:) haha

xxx