I feel like kicking myself...

For being an idiot. I feel like i cant get anything right. Got really agitated and wound up after i saw cpn today (one id never met, as mine on holiday), mostly because i felt i couldnt explain myslef properly, and they just dont get what i was trying to say...that i feel like im SCREWED right now, and that ED is taking over my life. And that well, I should be fixing this myself, i know that, but its so hard right now, i cant explain whats upsetting me evry well, and why this is making Ed pull the strings tighter, i swear i feel like hes going to just keep pulling and pulling until ive nothing left. Id talk about it, but the words arnt there, just get stuck in my throat. Thing is, i feel like im running out of fight, its like i try to make thgs better, i throw myself into recovery and it like ED just laughs, clicks its fingers and reels me back in, then i end up feeling like the most useless crap person for letting it happen, and then the battle just begins again, but each time i feel weaker to fight.