Last summer, I was refered to a home treatment team, because i was really struggling with depression. I saw then daily for about 2 months, and never once did i mention what was really wrong-anything that was really troubling me. Not about my mum, and how things were when i was younger, not about Liverpool, not about the abuse, and not about the thing that really breaks me in to pieces. Nothing. I guess they thought i was just stressed, and struggling with ED.except that they didnt really know much about eating disorders, so it actually wasnt that helpful. Once I started to trust a couple of the support workers, I spoke to them a little more about how i used my \Ed and Si to cope, but i never talked about what i was trying to cope with-its funny how many ways there are to avoid a question.
The thing is-I dont really say much anymore. Its HARD to talk, when the whole way through the most difficult of times, noone belived anything i had to say. So i just stopped saying anything that really mattered. And they are going to ask everything I CANT say at court.
A couple of months ago, i was refered to HTT again. after my SI issues were getting a bit ridiculous. I'd pretty much fallem apart at this stage-i knew the court thing was happening, cos the date had been set, i was struggling like hell with \Ed, and my friend died.Then my mum died. And they were great. I saw the same few people that i really trusted, and the first day, He took me out for a randonm drive around cornwall, and was just like 'come on then, vics, you gonna tell me about the courtcase?' and it took me about 3 hours but i eventually managed to tell him things.
But its different.He asked because he cared, and he wanted to help me figure out how to cope. The prosecuter at court doesnt care.He just wants to get a conviction-and fair play, its his job to do that, and not get involved.I get that.
But they are going to ask everything i cant say.
The support officer went through a list of things im likely to be asked-
and actually, i cant even write about this anymore.
Excuse me while i go top up my diazepam level
Irregular Choice Festive Footwear 2022: Day 20
3 years ago
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5 comments:
Hey lovely,
I don't really know what to say. I guess one thing I might do is think of this court case as 'closure'. You have to answer these questions one more time, then if you don't want to, you don't have to talk about it again. Also maybe you should practise talking about it, I know that sounds weird, but just explaining what happened, out loud to yourself, just so it's not such a shock when you have to answer the questions in the court.
I hate it that people didn't believe you, that's really sad, and shows how crap humans can be.
Thinking of youuuu
xxxxxx
Vic,
I really feel for you having to go through all this. It's so important that you have support through the court case, and hopefully, as Battle says, it will bring you a sense of closure. I cannot imagine how difficult this must be, but if you ever want to rant via email or fb, please do.
Hugs
Sarah x
I also wish I could say something that would help, but I just don't know what to say vic. I've never been in your situation and I think considering everything you've had to deal with, the fact that you're still willing to try and make it through every day is awesome. I know it sucks and it's hard, really hard, but one thing, you have to give yourself credit for still trying, even if you can't see it, I can. Be gentle with yourself babe!
*hugs*
Sarah
I'm sorry lovely ): what a crappy situation. Just say what you can. with any luck everything will work out ok in the end, and I will draw you a million pictures if it will make you smile a little xx
sorry to hear about the terrible things that have happened, but glad to hear you have a good support team. when you have nothing, they can be everything!
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