i get anxious
and then i get upset
i purge my dinner back up
Then i feel sick from anxiety
and puke some more
then i cry
then i look at my scars and hate them
and think i cant make any more
and then im overwhelmed
and all that will take it away
is to cut.
then i end up at a and e again
why does it always end with the blue string?I NEED TO STOP DOING THIS TO MYSELF
I NEED TO STOP THIS
HOW THE HELL DO I STOP THIS?
i need some help.please.i need help now.i dont think i can do this alone, as much as i think that i can.
Irregular Choice Festive Footwear 2022: Day 20
3 years ago
Posts
4 comments:
Hon, you can do this. I really, really believe you can. I know it's so hard not to give in when you have such bad anxiety and I hate having horrible anxiety like this. But what I've found is that if you can sit it out, it will get better. And falling back into the cycle of purging and cutting won't stop the anxiety. It only makes it worse the next time around. And I know it seems almost impossible to look past the moment when you're feeling so bad, but the more you can just sit with the anxiety, the easier it does get. And I know it seems like the best thing is just to give in to the SI because it make things better in the moment and it's so overwhelming that all you want to do is to make it better right away. But if you do work through it and can sit it out without SI once then you know you'll be able to do it again. And the more you keep doing it the more strength you'll have to fight it next time.
I'm thinking about you. You are so fabulous. Really.
xoxo
I'm sorry you've been trapped in this self destructive cycle of cutting and purging. I understand all too well how hard it is to break out of the cycle and how desperate it can all feel. I'm sorry I don't have any good advice, but know that I care.
Take care,
Cassie x
Dammit sweetheart, I am so sorry that these feelings are so overwhelming right now. My heart is breaking for you. I dont have any other advice, except that I do think the idea to try to sit with the feelings and ride them out, no matter how much you have to cry, scream ,rant,go crazy, if you can just ride out that tterly overwhelming urge, perhaps the urge wont seem so insurmountable the next time.
I dont know what else to suggest, as i know the feelings are so intense it seems impossible.
I also know how frigging STRONG and COURAGEOUS and BRAVE YOU ARE, and i believe in your power to pull through this!
YOU do NOT want it to end up blue string and A and E once more, i know that and i am sending all the love, support, prayers, vibes, thoughts i can, to try to help you through.
I LOVE YOU MIGHTILY.
Jennifer xxoo
I hate that you feel this way, I really do.
Here are some facts:
You are still here, after all you've been through, you have got through it enough to actually. be. here. THAT is strength. THAT is bravery.
You are worth so, so much more than a trip to A and E, so much more than a need to purge, so much more than cutting.
I don't have any useful coping mechanisms (because mine are all crap). But I think Jennifer made some really good suggestions.
Mucho love, prayers and hugs being sent your way.
xxxxxx
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