They aren't the answers that I need...

why would anyone do that?
why didnt anyone listen to me?
why didnt the hospital encourage me to go to the police?
why did my friend have to bully them to test me to see if id been spiked?
why did NOONE believe me?
why did he think it was ok to ruin my life?
Why did he taunt me for the rest of the year?
why was everyone SUCH bitches to me, just because he was 'golden boy'
why was i the one who got kicked out of uni, becasue of the runours, and not him?

instead I have to answer the questions that turn me inside out.I think of it and i throw up.no kidding. I have spent years tucking this stuff away inside me, letting Ed take care of it for me. Well noone gave a shit about me then, and im still just me, trying to figure it out. Theres noone to help me pick up the pieces either this time. I'll get broken in two, and just keft to it all over again. Tell me how that is fair?someone tell me what to do.please.im really begging here.yeh its closure.but not really-more like opening pandoras box. Dont tell me about doctors, and services and victim support, and all the rest of it-cos they doint give a shit, and they dont do anything. All i ever wanted was someone safe to talk to. All the time i was a kid, thats all i ever wanted.I dont want to be told itl be ok-cos, no it really isnt, and it wont be for a long time.Im  not ok, and i cant honestly say when i will be.

"where did the alleged assault take place?"
In the side alley of a house, in Liverpool, where i was at a house party for freshers week.

"describe what happened at the party"
I went to the party.i didnt want to go-but hey, new place, new start, and i knew that i would feel better if i at least tried to meet some people.It started off as a meal, with a group of older students. NOT my thing.i didnt eat, and everyone thought i was weird.my tummy churned over and over.then more people arrived.them more.the house was rammed.I started talking to a couple of girls, and i saw this guy look at me from across the room.i went to sit on the stairs with the other girls i was with, and he came over, and asked if i wanted a drink.we went to the kitchen, got drinks,and stayed there for an hour or so, talking. I then went to the loo, and ended up talking with the girls again after, giggling about him.He came over, and gave me another drink.

"what happened after that?"
I immeadiately felt weird.not good weird, not drunk, but bad, spinning out, confused, sleepy and sick, things flashed in my head, and i jusy needed to be outside.I sad that i felt funny and needed some air, and went outside. I walked out of the front garden, dwon the side alley leading to thje garages of the row of houses. a couple of minutes after that he followed me out.he asked me if i felt ok, and then he laughed.i still remeber that laugh, and the look on his face. He came over to me, stood in front of me, and stroked my hair off my face, like he cared, like he liked me or soemthing. Then he smaacked me hard against the wall.

"did he assault you?"
yes

"was the assault of a sexual nature?"
yes

"can you describe what happened for the court"
no.not right now i cant.in fact never.

fuck off and get me the answers to my questions.