so um yeh.i seem to be writing here again. i just got back from A and E, cos apparantly, i really like being held together by bits of blue string.And the wound from when i cut into my bowel has all flared up again, so now im swollen to fuck, just to make it a bit better. Heck, dont get me wrong.I know that this is my fault. I'm jst being all angry and bitter right now.sue me or something. Cos i just feel like-well everything is just really screwed up.and it always has been. and i miss my mum.but thats the thing that really gets me-i dont miss her, i miss the idea of having a mum, someone who is supposed to really care about you. I guess i just want someone to make this all feel better.I always had to look out for myself.I had to do pretty much everything, grow up overnight as a kid.I think i was 16 from the day i was born lol. But i just really want someone to hold me tight and tell me thats its going to be ok. or, failing that, id someone could hit me hard enought to cause a significant head injury, then i could just like, forget everything. Which would be peachy.
thanks for the kind comments on my last post
xxx
Irregular Choice Festive Footwear 2022: Day 20
3 years ago
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6 comments:
Oh Vics, I'm sorry you're in so much physical pain, as well as emotionally. I hope the swelling goes down soon. We all need that someone to be there for us and make us feel better, it's understandable you want your mum. I can relate to feeling alone and just wanting someone to tell you it's going to be all okay.
*hugs*
Take care,
Cassie x
I wish you could come to Australia so we could look after you, take care of you,hug you tight, spoil you.
I LOVE YOU BRAVE SWEETHEART,
Jennifer xxoo
Oh chick I nearly missed the fact that you're still writing in this blog...glad I didn't. I cannot imagine how difficult it must be to be without your mum, but I can reassure you that there will always be people who care, and who can offer reassuring hugs. It may not be quite the same as having a mum, but you are never alone.
Email me if you need to ok?
Hugs
Sarah x
I am so glad you are keeping this blog, I really love this blog. I'm sorry you are struggling with losing your mum but I do understand the feeling of it being a mother figure as my mum is all for herself most of the time. I often get attached to mothering people, if that makes sense. Anyway, I hope that soon you won't need all the blue string and your infection will start to get better.
*hugs*
Sarah
I just want to GIVE YOU A BIG HUG. And then wrap you in cotton wool to protect you from this mean world we live in.
I have nothing helpful to stay, I can't imagine the physical and emotional pain you are in. My thoughts are with you a lot.
xxx
First of all please don't blame yourself for all of this. This isn't your fault. And I know exactly what you mean--sometimes I miss the idea of having parents too. I have my mum but I feel like I've spent half my life trying to care for her and then take care of myself and my brothers and sisters on top of it. It's not fair that you've had to look out for yourself and be the one who has to be strong for you because no one should have to do this alone. I'm thinking about you.
xoxo
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