I think there are a lot of different ways of saying things. You could just say whats on your mind.
'I hate myself.I feel inferior to everyone, and i am a useless fuckup.and i need to lose weight.and it needs to hurt, because that is what i deserve'
you can eat too much.or not eat at all
'i feel like shit.i dont deserve to feel happy becasue i am fundamentally, a bad person. i made my mum feel so bad, cos i couldnt make her happy, she killed herself.the last thing she said to me was that i'm not good enough, and i let her down.buti can lose weight.i can do well at that.that will make it ok. and when that goes wrong, i can purge, because i need to get all the ickyness out of me.
you can hurt yourself
'i feel so bad, i cant get any space from the thoughts in my head.but real physical pain will block it for a while.and it will makeme feel better, because its what i deserve, i deserve to hurt.
i dont know what want to say.Theres so much hidden away in me, and one thing leads to the next, and then it would all come tumbling out.so its best to keep it all shut away, where it is.
guess which way i use to 'speak'
Irregular Choice Festive Footwear 2022: Day 20
3 years ago
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I think you're right in that sometimes you just don't know what to say or how to say it or to put what you're feeling into words, and it seems easier to just resort to SI or ED. But the truth is that while those things make you feel better for time being, in the long run they won't keep helping. You'll only feel worse again and the whole cycle will start over. I feel the same way all the time--I think that I can't find the words to say what I want and I don't want to feel anymore so I just end up resorting to ED or SI. But then I just have to do these things more and more to get any kind of relief. And after awhile, it stops working too.
I think you are so amazing.
xoxo
Jessie is right - ED/SI are short term coping mechanisms, which don't really help at all long term. Knowing this doesn't make it easier to stop, I know, but no matter how difficult it is to express what you are feeling, try to do it by not hurting yourself...when words don't come I sometimes find drawing or doodling helps, or sometimes making collages. Don't be afraid to write gobbledygook, because sometimes just the very process of producing something is a way of getting difficult thoughts out there, so that you can externalise and deal with them.
Ok sorry if that made no sense...but if all else fails, remember that you are MOOMINTASTIC! ;)
Sarah x
hey hun, did you get my cards I emailed to you? I hope you are okay. I have had the resurgence of ED in the last few days and you know what, I just wish we didn't have to deal with this at all. I hope you're okay and I hope you're safe. Be gentle with yourself hun, you DO deserve to be happy and healthy!
*hugs*
Sarah
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