dyou know what really sucks-
the fact that even the excruciating pain im in from cutting my bowel isnt enough to stop me from wanting to do it again.
and the real pisstake-ive put on soo much weight.i dont even know how-i didnt eat the whoke time i was in hospital, and ive been pretty 'normal' for me since.which is an absolute pisstake.even my sodding face looks fat.i look shit in all of my clothes, nothing fits and i cant deal.i look like shit, and i feel like shit.
its nice to know ive got my priorities sorted. cos apparantly the weight thing, in my mind is taking precidence to my mum, and the really soon court case.good to know ive got that sorted.
i fucking hate myself so much
Irregular Choice Festive Footwear 2022: Day 20
3 years ago
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3 comments:
hey babes, it sounds like your really hurting right now. im sending all my light and love your way.
i do a new excersize when i feel like i want to scream and throw everything around. i put my index fingers in my ears to block them. breathe in normally thru ur nose, when you breathe out say hmmmmmmmmmm. make them long slow breaths in and out. i heard a lot of your ed talking in that post, and who you really are is vicki. the si and ed are outside of you. they are not who you really are. who you really are is a fun and loving ocean filled with compassion and soothing love. peace and serenity and unity withh everything around you, people, nature. your a really amazing person vic, sending serenity ur way. x
Ugh--I hate how fat thoughts seem to just take over everything. I know what you mean-when I get upset or stressed it seems like the worst thing in my mind is how much I think I weigh. Really, I think it's a kind of symptom--our brains just put all the anxiety into fear about weight for some reason.
And please try to keep yourself safe. You are such a brilliant person.
xoxo
Sometimes it's easier to focus on the weight than what's really going on, which is much more painful. Like Jessie says, it's a symptom, and after all, it's difficult not to go back to old thoughts and behaviours to try and cope. Please don't hate yourself or your body...by being friends with them you can face the difficulties together.
Hugs
Sarah x
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