if i had a comfort zone, i sure as heck dont now...

So, turns out Gp's dont really like it when you turn up and have a massive meltdown in their office, rather than just aske for more drugs please thankyou very much. In fact. what happens is they totally freak out when they read your referal letters from cornwall which have just been put on the system and call the psyc unit at the hospital and get you uregnt assessments at A&E. having been sent to hosp from the docs, i get there and undergo what felt like the equivalent of a MI5 interogation. After 4 hours, they finally decided that i could be trusted to go home overnight-big whoop, i havnt been doing that for the last 26 years, after all-on the proviso that i agreed to go to an appointment at the cmht at springfoeld hospital the following afternoon. which was interogation round 2 with knobs on. doc didnt listen to anything i said, then repeatedly asked the same questions as a result. I wanted to smack head against wall, i wanted to smack his head against wall. Then he told me that irritability was a symptom of depression, and not to worry.well, thankyou very much for that.

Eventually they concluded that I was depressed and had an eating disorder.Thanks, shirlock. Tell me something i didnt know.so have been refered to the ED service, and to the general psychotherapy people, cos im not skinny enough to be seen by the EDS (apparantly). Cos bulimia isnt as important as anorexia, clearly. has any of this so called experts wondered why there are higher incidences of bulimia than anorexia?possibly something to do with the fact THAT NOONE TAKES IT SERIOUSLY??!!

excuse my irritability. Its a valid symptom you know.

My meds have now been changed to Trazodone and a lot of diazepam (my lovely cornsh doc would be vvv upset by this). anyone taken traz before? im nt appreciating it right now. everytime i move my head i get dizzy and wan to puke. I have weird little dizzy spells every minute or so. Infact, lifes ne long puke fest and ive only been taking it a day.excuse me while i vomit.seriously, whats with the mini little flashes of dizziness every few minutes, really weird. feel horrible.

I also managed to have a meltdown in uni after a tutorial. turns out i wasnt amagining it-i do look like someone who wants to die right now. anyway, ni was pretty good about it, and i got a nice email frm the senor tutor telling me to skive away guilt free.or wirds to that effect. excuse me while im sick again, i moved my head half a cm.

anyway, i think im officially on 'shes gonna top herself watch'. fabulous. CMHT were tlking about an admission, and previously, i would have thought that was a good thing. But now-well, itl just get in the way of my plans, yknow. and christ if they give me more drugs im gonna walk around carrying a bucket and be done with it.

i love life. can you tell?