differences

I'm not the same person i was even a few months ago. Weird really. Take the girl out of cornwall, and i might as well just be someone else. I'm not quite sure how it happened even. I got here, and I lost a big part of my groove, overnight, just like that. And I thought it would come back,with confidence and time, but instead, everything just keeps slipping away.

I dont look like me. I dont feel like me. whatever that was anyway.answers on a postcard please.

I get up, i put on the nearest thing to me, or the thing that looks most like what everyone else is wearing (trackie bottoms. what the fuck has happened to me!My motel dresses are no longer on speaking terms with me)shove some books in my bag (not my funky picnic hamper topshop bag, but the fucking sports bag i bought when i couldnt deal with being looked at anymore) and walk to uni. I listen to lectures that bore that crap out of me, having alrwady done the topics to death in the previous courses i have done. Yes, it will get more interesting once they have established that we can all write our own names, count to ten, and name the odd part of the body (but not in detail). but in the meantime, i am going batshit insane from not being challenged. I need to think, to be made to think, it helps me, distracts me, gives focus, pushes me in the right way. so i bumble through a day at uni, try and talk to people, get home, shower and go to bed. I am sooo tired.like insanely.

and then i wake in the middle of he night and think about all the ways i could put an end to this, Depression-no.i think its a lot more reality.