heres how it is going to work-

I have to be the best. It does not matter that this is a medical school university, and everyone here was the best at school, college, whatever they did before. I have to be better.

I have to lose some weight. I am the biggets person here, and that is not acceptable. I do not look like someone who is training to be a physiotherapist. I must drop my weight by at least 2 stone. Preferably to be acheived before christmas.

I have to be the nice friendly person that people want me to be, and not the upset, stressed person I currently am.

I must stop eating so much.

And I musnt slip up and let people see that I cant manage here, because then I will no longer be perfect. and I have to be perfect. That means that I must not cut, because I cannot afford anymore visits to A&E and the concern/dissapointment/disgust that creates from the staff there.

and this is the way it has to be. If im going to live, then this has to be the way it is going to be.