Hibernation

i really want to curl up in my duvet and emerge in a few months time. Not just because i am freezing cold, and too poor to put heating on for very long, but because i am soo exhausted. No really, i mean 'i cant move, its not lazyness i just feel drained' kinda tiredness.

I spose it makes sense really-my body never knows whether its coming or going foodwise, and it all tends to catch up on itself in bouts like this, when ED is really giving it some. ANd i havnt slept well for months, wake up all the time from having flashback dreams, so get to the point where im kinda afraid to sleep. If someone could hit me over the head, that would be great. And i guess theres an element of attraction in hiding for a while. Trouble is, dont think you can really hide from yourself.

I guess really its just years of emotion and thinking and things that i have blocked out all coming out at once, and that is going to knock it out of you. but i rekon i have to deal with it all at somepoint to make it all better, and deal with it. I think my natural reaction to all this hurt is to hide, and curl up and want to disapear, and to an extent thats ok-well a couple of lovely people have told me its ok to do things like that to soothe yourself, as long as it doesnt result in isolation. So im trying really hard to beleive that, and do what will make me feel better at the moment.

the odd duvet day never did anyone any harm, and in the long run, well why not?! better than dropping down from exhaustion.

Im getting into bed now.

loves xxx