Stupid Ed!

I just weighed myself, and im trying REALLY hard not to mind that i've manged to put on weight, even though i've been restricting a bit again...its sooo hard tho. Logic tells me its cos I've stopped messing about with laxatives again...so obviously will retain water for a few days. And dont tell me they dont work anyway...I know that, was just having a bad time, and i didnt care, i just had to be lighter.
Fucking hell i hate this!
reading back on it is crazy...i can see that ive basicallylost the plot, ut at the time...well its all you can do.
But im feeling pretty proud of myself that I've started dragging myself out of my hole again, and i reaaly think i can do this now...i dont want Ed hanging over me forever anymore.
on the funny side...you realise you have hit a new level of low when you end up asking your GP for stronger laxatives on perscription(was desperate, and poor!), and he literally spends 5 minutes laughing at you before he composes himself and says NO! good job i love my GP!

xxx