you've got problems when breathing feels like too much bother...

I'm officially the girl with no friends. No, seriously. I am literally the only person in the lectures we have with the other healthcare professions that has no one to sit and giggle with. I am the wall hugger. You'll find me about halfway down on the left hand side. It really fucking hurts when you find out the people you thought were your friends have been laughing at you behind your back. oh well. Don't tell me im not in Liverpool now-cos if one more person says that to me im going to go barmy. I mean, theres a lot of simialritities. My room is pretty much identical, and i hate my flatmates. I dont have any friends, and ive fucked up any chance i did have of making any by being the crazy girl that slashed herself up in halls. well, thats todays version of it. ive been comparing the rumours, there is quite a lot of variation in them.I'm also officially about to fail.why do occupational health keep bringing up how much i have been absent from lectures, when the main reason i have missed them, apart from the few days i was in hospital, is because they always schedule my appointments right in the middle of 'really dont miss this' lectures and practicals?how can they not see the link?and how stressed they are making me for getting more and more behind. No, i cant concentrate on your stupid pointless sessions, because im too busy worrying about when i am going to be able to catch up with yet MORE missed work.


its guy forkes tonight. evryone has gone to various displays, but even if i wasnt so antisocial i wouldnt have gone, cos i dont do fireworks-here's the laughable version of why not (from my very old blog!), but you have to admit, its pretty tragic that the first thing i thought was 'oooh if everyone is going out tonight-in the rain,  nutters- that means i can get a machine in the laundry to do my washing without waiting for hours!!! i think ive got issues. I just spent friday night doing my washing.and was perfectly happy with that until i realised just how tragic that was, and that it was prob something to do with why i dont have any friends.hmn.said washing is drying in my room right now.what once would have consisted of a fabulous collection of 'omg dont even thing about machine washing that' pretty dresses and oddball shorts has now entirely been replaced with tracksuits. what has happened to me. i cant even remember when i last put a bow on, its just too much effort. its hard enough bothering to breathe right now.

what am i ment to do next to make this better?

xxx