4 weeks isnt really a long time to do a whole terms worth of work.....

calm calm calm. look at kings of  leon email conformation. calm calm calm.

4 weeeks!!!!OMG!! i cant do this.its not like college when i actually could do the work, it was just the volume of it that made it such a bitch in the timeframe i had, but this time- i dont even understand most if it.FUCK i dont know what to do. I dont even know if im going to be here in another 4 weeks, which isnt really helping either. Grandpa psyc is being a lege though-he was really pisssed at what the uni were doing, and told me he would tell them that kicking me out would probably finish me off and that i need focus blah blah, which might help.And that i probably care about being there more than a ot of people cos i had to work on getting my head together and not just the academics, so they should cut me some slack already and be supportive, rather than gestapo-like.

I had to see the head of the physio school the other day, and he surprised me by saying that they were actually seeing that y attendance was ok, well, they must actually be blind. I go to all the foundations of physio practice stuff, unless i have appointments, and all that stuff is registered. And i go to as many practicals as i can. But the big multi discipline lectures for the other modules scare the CRAP out of me cos there are sooooo many people and sooo many bitchy people at that.and sometimes i just cant do it. I see it as sanity preserving-sometimes when i do go i have such meltdowns im useless for days afterward, esp if i end up sitting with idiots that keep taking the oiss out of me for 'that incident', or there version of it anyway.and i alway read through the lectures at home if i dont go. but somehow i think the uni prob takes a dim view. im working on it- for that module we have a block of lectures of 3 or 4 in a row which is quite intense. I make myself go to the first one, and try my hardest to stay for at least the second, but sometimes i just cant. i get to the point where im actually throwing up from anxiety, but i know avaoiding it forever is gonna make it worse.so at least im trying.i really am actually. i wish they could realise this. cos its bloody hard work, and sooo draining. why cant i just be normal?

i dont think venlafaxine is agreeing with me,its still making me feel really sick, and giving me strangeky restless legs-although that could be do to nerve damage from ;that incident' to be fair i spose. Ive started getting a little feeling back in the tp of that eg now and jeeeez it hurts!

new anti anxiety srategy is to look at KOL confirmation of booking slip:) calm calm calm cos i haveto still be sane enough to see caleb!!!!!

sqqqueuuuuuuuuuuueeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee