inpatient-ness

how to make me really fucking stressed-

went to see grandpa psyc agian today (as per weds norm) told him i feel like crap and that i was finding it v hard to not cut/restrict/binge/purge blah and he freaked (i swear this was my nornal in cornwall and noone took any notice??) and decided he wants me inpatient. i said no-because of how it might screw up uni, but that i would think about it. hmn. he was suspiciously vague about how long it would be for. He did show me around both the general PICU ward and the ED specific ward though, and i dunno. maybe it would help, but for the most part, i think i would be freaking out and worrying about school. and i have exams in 2 weeks, hello timing. Why could i not have had decent help offered to me before i got to uni?? i just really really dont want to be putting my life on hold for longer. dont tell me in young, plenty of time and all that-cos it doesnt wash. ive spent so long just bumbling along with no aim, and i need this. I just needed the help, possibly, before i started. but i want to try and carry on. its so damn  hard.

amyway, so tomorow, i guess i have to talk to uni about how going IP is going to screw things up.great. cos im only just convincing them its all good in the hood right now.

fucks sake.

i dont know what to do. this is when, i occasionaly think, having family who give a shit might actually be slightly useful.