oh crap

its four weeks until my exams and im soo behind. doubled with the fact i dont even know if im still going to be at uni in four weeks time. this whole process is literally killing me.I cant bear not knowing what the plan is at the best of times, but this would really screw everything up, and make me homeless all at once. And i want to be a physio dammit. and il be a good one. raaaah.

I have the most overwhelming urge to cut right now. it would take my head away from all this and let the pressure out in the only way i really get, to be honest. It somehow makes it an even more attractive option knowing that it is most def not an option. not with occupational health and all the other shit.

SHIT i hate this. I also know, that if i did cut again right now, id do exactly the same thing on the other side, and this time i wouldnt be calling for help. why caqnt i just be normal?fucks sake. all week ive had grief from just about everyone, occ health, cmht, uni staff, and other students. I sat in a lecture theatre n thursday and the people sitting around me spent 4 HOURS taking the piss out of me. people look at me funny, sneer at me and generally make me feel even shitter than i already do.thanks for that. on top of this, it appears to be mental health awareness week. everyday there has been at least one session on mental health, behaviour and professionalism or other similar bollocks. and people are so fucking ignorant it makes me cry, literally. and this people want to be health professionals.fucking great, well done georges.thats a fine selection of people you have this year.

ive had to change the dressings on my wound 8 TIMES today. its still literally pouring fluid out, when the pressure builds up it get fairly projectile too, funtimes. its costing me a fortune in dressings,cos for some idiotic reason doc wont prescribe them, and people dont seem to realise that im getting through about 15 a day right now. yummy. ive spent £45 in boots  in a week on dressings, and tape and saline satchets to clean it with. and occ health have the cheek to ask me if its not healing cos ive been interfering with it!! ive finished a really hardcore course of antibiotics now and its no better, so im going to have to try and beg a docs appt tomorow, bet thatl be easy, not.

something nice happen please.

xxx