ok, so 10 mgs of diazepam later and im not really in a happy place. I have no energy left to do anything. I tried to call out of hours to tell them im about 2 steps away from killing myself and they hung up on me cos they couldnt make out what i was saying.That would be cos im crying. My life was always about acheivement-and yeh, i did it, i got into uni, into a pretty competeitve course (again). whats the point? well i dont know. My cath bag split and leaked all over me and my bed earlier, and i can tell you, being covered in piss does not help. neither does not knowing how long you have to make your 'emergency' bag last for. And it hurts. im telling you, having a plastic tube up your pee hole is just really really wrong, in ways i cannot begin to describe.
how many times do i have t communicate to this people that i feel really really bad for them to not tell me to just go and make a cup of tea.ive had enough.
I just dont know where to go from this.my friends treat me like shit. I cannt deal with the worlds problems as well as my own. and im sick of them berating me for this. what about me?how long do you want me to hold it together, fix everyone elses lives-unti i end up dead?would thatmake you happy?i cant do it.
i am going to drink some more diet coke, and take some more diazepam. I cant wait to go thorough my food diary at my appt tomorow.FAIL.
Irregular Choice Festive Footwear 2022: Day 20
3 years ago
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3 comments:
Your friends are not your responsibility, you do NOT have to support them, these 'friends' don't sound like friends if they are making you feel rubbish.
I hate that people still aren't taking you seriously, I guess people just don't know how to respond to the hardship you're going through so do the very English "a cup of tea will make things better". Obviously it won't.
Also I'm sorry about the catheter, do you know how long you have it for?
Thinking of you, lots of love and hugs being sent your way.
ps. Would you maybe be able to email me your address?
xxxx
Vicki
honey why didnt you call me
you dont have to do things alone im at the end of the phone always. my plan is for while im in cornwall for us to get to some appointments - see if you can make some for the mon tues or wed angel and we'll get some of this stuff sorted. I love you heaps and will call in a little while xxx
I think Battle says it well - other people are not your responsibility, and as I am finding out recently, it's important to think about what makes a true friend. Are these people really people you can count on? Or is having them around making you feel upset?
You deserve love and support.
Hugs
Sarah x
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