I have glittery pee

totally true. see, the catheter thing was really getting to me, so i emptied a pot of glitter in to the bag (if your a health professional-a night bag, so dont tell me off!this means you trace!hahahah) so now i have sparkly rainbow wee, like a unicorn would have. I am great.hahaha.

so anyways, today i got a uni letter, telling me my room allocation. Which got me thinking-omg that sooo close now. well, i wont go there now, because i dont have enough diazepam, LOL. but this is what it got me thinking-oh heck. what the bloody hell am i going to WEAR!!!! which, ok, is a fairky typical vic type thing to be thinking. BUT i am going to have to cross.to.the.over.side.

let me explain.I dont own any sports wear-like none. And i am doing a physiotherapy course, which is clearly going to entail the need for some sort of sport-type clothes. hmn. you might think its simple really, just head down to JD sports or dsimilar and buy things. BUT I CANT DO IT! its totally soul destroying. buying black or navy or grey trackies,and sports bra's, and god forbid, a pair of trainers (i have not owned anything you could term actual 'trainers' since I left school, and the days of PE behind). I mean, i could buy a motel dress! ok, its all for the greater good. I know. And i do really want to be a physio. just not for sporting reasons. I am sooo going to stick out like a sore thumb. when i went for my interview, i was the only person NOT wearing what they deemed 'appropriate physio wear'. But christ, you cant wear a tracksuit to an interview, even I know that. And i do NOT want to won a pair of 'addidas 3 stripes down the side' trackies in that nasty material.

And moral objections aside, theres the whole 'practical session thing'. For these, i have to wear a bra and shorts, no exceptions. which makes sense, cosyou need to see muscle movement and anaotomy clearly. BUt christ, my scars! I mean one of the reasons i cut on my tummy is cos its easy to hide, and this is making me panic a little. So today, i braved it out. I put on a sports bra and a pair of flowery shorts (which are made out of trackie cotton tyoe material.which is the nearest they gonna get, thankyou very much).

Looked in the mirror, and theres me, and my bloody bag with the million straps tying it to my leg. teeny pair of shorts on. they are from topshop, so almost indecently short. and yeh, you can see a lot of my scars. and at first i was like, fuck, i need proper granny 'up around your boobs' type shorts for this one.

and then, just like that, i thought fuck it. I dont care.and actually, i really dont. I'm already gonna be christened the bag lady during freshers week, and because my uni is based in a hospital, at least people (hopefully) wont give me too many funny looks. so whats a few scars gonna do? we all have em, either on our skin, or in our head. and if anyone asks, or stares, i plan to tell them that i tried to take my own kidney out, cos i got bored of waiting for the NHS to fix it, and missed a few times. Or that I watched 'extreme knitting' on you tube too many times, and decided to see if i could knit with my intestines. i think that might get the message across, dont you?!

in fact, i might even post a pic tomorow. Just to prove to myself thats its ok. that im ok, it will be ok. Cos the thing is, my scars tell a story, and that story, if you think about it, is all to do with getting better. and whats shameful about that?

xxx