make mine a double.

I've done 3 days of uni now. And im totally exhausted. This is not good, considering that all its been is endless welcome talks and induction rubbish.

I mean, clealy this tiredness is due to the fact that i am a totally normal student who has been embracing freshers week, drinking cheap booze and rocking home at 2am from some london club, and absolutely nothing to do with the fact that i havnt eaten for 3 days now. hmn, cos the 3 day thing is entirely a coincidence.

There are some lovely people here. I mean its a shame they all live in the other block, but the bonus of that is that i can have peace and quiet as needed, me being ancient and all. But the thing is, the people I met first at Liverpool were the people who screwed me over the worst  in the end. and i cant seem to let it go.

sofar i have managed to reduce myself to a sobbing mess (in public) twice. TWICE. Once when i was with a couple of lovely girls and just suddenly felt hideous, and the next when a a couple of second years were talking to me at a 'get together' at the SU bar before town, and they asked about family and i couldnt stop crying. NOT GOOD.

I saw the uni counsellor for the second time today, and i doubt im going back. She irritates the crap out of me, and today we sat there in silence for about 40 minutes while i cried. rekons i understand too much about my eating disorder to actually have one.

My new GP is quite nice. His youngish, obv thinks im a bit weird but he said he would try and hurry referalls up, but will still take forever. Counsellor rekons the only reason i wasnt help from services is so i feel validated-er, no, the reason i want help is because I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR FUCKING YEARS FOR IT, THEN GOT IT FOR ABOUT A MONTH AND ID LIKE IT CARRY ON NOW PLEASE.PLEASE.please thankyou very much before i jump out of the nearest window because i feel like im about to spill over and i dont know how much more i can copewith right now and i dont even have HTT to fall back on and im so anxious i dont know what to do, and id quite like to cut fairly significant lumps out of myself now, please can i see someone to talk to who wont judge me and will actually help me please thankyou please.