ok, i get the you have to be accountable for your own actions...so yes does my head, but equally im responsible for listening to it?im thinking this, cos then logically, this means that its all down to me-changing i mean. Yeh, i have always known this, but i think i have to remind myself that even if i had all the help in the world(which i dont!) then its still all down to me! so its time for me to get my arse in gear again, and start telling Ed to piss off again. sorry this is all a bit oprah again, but ive had a rough few days, and i think the only way of dragging myself up again is to be seriously pro active, and writing about how much i hate Ed always feels like hardcore rebellion.
The other thing im thinking, is that you cant do anything about Ed until you accept why its there...i think now is about dealing with all the reasons and things i used bulimia as an escape and rescue from, and then if i can deal, well maybe if they lose the significance, well surely Ed will start to move away.Dunno.know that doesnt make that much sense written down.
Im a bit messed in the head right now, yknow. cos i had that god awful appointment the otherday, where they told me i was just wasting their time, and discharged me. Thing is, thy said this without having read my notes, and after my doc told them the reasons i was losing it, and how badly i was a risk to myself...and it really hurts when they say its all about attention...cos its NOT.i dont like going to my doctor and telling him i want to jump off a bridge, you do it cos you feel desperate, and need to let it out a bit. My doc is amazing.he lets me tell him whatever i need to (because they havnt found anyone to refer me to yet!), and he gets that i feel like i have to let it out a bit before i biol over with it all.only so long you can keep it to yourself.And then its my time, away from ED to say whats happening.and yeh, Ed hates that, but its worth the fallout for the relief of it.
im going to go now, cos i dont thnk im making a lot of sense.
xxx
Irregular Choice Festive Footwear 2022: Day 20
3 years ago
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3 comments:
If its any comfort for you....I don't like Ed either.
dont take the piss
and i think you might have missed the fundamental point of any eating disorders blog...that if you dont have it, then you cant possiby understand. But i guess you like people being mad at you, cos why else would you have such a patronizing blog.
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