feeling a bit blue

It seems like a whole lot of people are telling me i need to learn to be happy with myself at the moment. And I get that, I really do, its just that ED doesnt seem to understand that yet...theres always something I could do better/be better at.

And the thing is, the longer ED has been in my life, the harder it is to keep ED happy, he just keeps on tightening his hold. I guess im struggling a bit today. I think the problem is, that I dont really know what me is. Its like im made of all these little bits that other people want me to be, yknow. Cos Ed wants me to be perfect, and nothing short of that will do...I have to be the best, even though I know ts really not possible. And my friends think im a certain person, and my family have all these perceptions of me too. And the thing is, I've grown up aspairing to everyone elses ideal but mine. At the moment I feel Like Ed is about 70% of me, i wish I could seperate it all again. I HATE EDs trap.

Doesd anyone else find that rebelling against ED can have the worst consequences? Im determined to keep writing this, cos its kind of like sticking a finger up at ED.

I know i can do this, well at least i think i can.I have enough of ED, and i need out, i want my life back. BUt its soo damn hard:(

xxx