shaky ground

I feel like i already lost.in fact i did. today i met by new care coordinator, who was supposed to set up therapy for me...cos group just isnt the right thing for me...i just feel so inadequate, and i end up feeling like Ed is being fuelled by the whole process. Except now, well for the last 6 months they have been telling me that i need to learn to start talking about whats going on, and not hold it all inside, and i slowly started doing this, and eventually, well i managed to tell my doctor that i was in way over my head and i jsut plain cant cope.was a bit of a cry fest, but i really trust my GP.so i went to see care coordinator today-and i thought i was meeting my new team leader, but no, they decided that i just needed a review...great...and they told me that, well, there not so sure they can help me cos its all about attention seeking.and this woman admitted to not having even read my notes!arg.so now i feel like i cant talk to anyone, im wasting there time and i jsut dont deserve the help.i dont know what to do.it took so much to admit that i just cant handle it alone anymore.and now i feel squashed and like my problems are nothing, and i should just get on with it. but im so confused, cos its taken me this long to realise i have a right to be upset about things that happened in my past, and to realise its ok to ask for help.but what now?its obviously not, and ive just ben labelled as a nutty attention seeker, who needs to just geton with life.well yeh, surely i would have done that by now?!
anyway, now i feel like theres no point in talking and asking for help.
so guess Ed won that power struggle then, cos now its just me and Fucking Ed again.
marvelous.
im so confused, and now im to scared to ask for help again

xxx