Dignitas-it makes me feel uneasy...what do you think?

Dignitas is a Swiss organisation which facilitates assisted suicide for the terminally ill, due to a slight lax in the law regarding suicide there, compared to the rest of Europe (is switzerland in the EU?if it is, forgive my appalling ignorance, but you get my point). It does also, however, provide help for those 'weary of life' to die too, in certain circumstances.

I watched this BBC documentary, in which author Terry Pratchett followed to individuals journeys-and deaths at dignitas. A word of warning before i go on-if you are going to watch it, the last 15 minutes are very difficult viewing, as the programme literally films to the end.

Now, actually, i was always very certain of an individuals right to chose to die-after all you dont chose to be born. i probably still am, i think, but ive really had some ideas shifting in my head. I believe people have a right to a dignified death. I dont think someone shopuld be forced to live through the last stages if devastating illness's, such as MS, motor neurone disease, Cancer to name but a few. But thats a personal choice. Hopsice and family care are both options, and i dont think we should ever get to the stage whee people are diagnosed, and feel forced in to an 'early death' because they dont want to be a burden.

because in real;ity-well Dignitas doesnt sit that easy with me anymore. The man who set it up, is somewhat of a fanatic-and given enough power, well, i dont think im the only person who sees a possible fascist dictator in the making. Because whilst i believe that he has genuinely done an amazing thing in setting up dignitas-it also worries me. because ultimately, noone should really wield power over wether you can die or not. its just a bit, well, weird. And yes, they have a stringent system-doctors assessments, and constant reminders that its the patients choice right up to the last minute-watching the programme, there wasnt the feeling that you couldnt change your mind-likewise, in fact, it was really bandied about before they handed the drugs over. There are checks on your medical history, and if they doubt anyones motives, they wont help at all. and supposedly they wont go near anyone having suffered from depression, or mental illness. But, having a mental illness does not neccessarily make you incapable of making choices. And there have been incidenses of dignitas helping the 'hopelessly depressed'. making it a lot more like your bog standard suicide bid, without the fall back of it going wrong. so where would that leave the genuinely depressed, who might attempt suicide in a bid for help.

I do like that the man who set it up (cannot think of his name, and had slight nightmares about the whole thing after watching the documentary so dont want to google it) is very adament that people come to him, they fill in the paperwork, they are assessed-and then they do nothing. because sometimes having the option of death is enough to keep you going. like someone from cornwall HTT once said to me -'if it werent for suicide, we'd all be dead by now'. He told a story about a young man who had been depressed who turned up unannounced begging to be helped to die. he took him in, and over the next few days, spoke to the young guy about suicide. he left about a week later with the name of a psyc, and called a few months later to thank to thank him for not letting him die. Because talking about suicide takes the taboo away-and if your feelings surrounding it are recived and validated well-then it DOES make it less likely you will act on them. there has been tons of research on the effects of talking about suicidal feelings. and i know for me-talking about it, and it being accepted and not just brushed off relieves a massive knot in the pit of my stomach.

I think it is a good thing to talk through suicidal feelings. and i think people should have the right to chose to end their life. but on what merits? pretty much everyday, i reach a point where i wholehearted,y wish i was dead. but im still here the day after, and the next. so how to tell how much i mean it, if even i dont know? it feels real at the time, and maybe given a fool proof way of doing it-heck i know i would have done it by now, perhaps thought out, but maybe on a bad day whim. I think a big part f the reason i havnt so far, is fear of it 'half working' and me ending up leaving some sort of half life.

so yes, i think it needs tightly governing-but i also dont like the idea of anyone having that power. of how easy any system is to abuse. and alright, you can refuse the 'service' to anyone with MH problems, in their present or past. but what about if i end up with a crippling, agonising illness like motor neurone disease? would i then lose my right to a dignified exit at a time i chose, because i had a history of depression? is that fair or right?

its odd. the whole thing is odd. i used to work as a vet nurse, and ive seen hundreds of people treating their pets better than they do members of their family. the dog gets terminally ill, an we put it to sleep to prevent it suffering, and to make it time as pleasant as possible. but we leave old aunty mavis in a nursing home staring in to space.

i used to be a very firm supporter of dignitas. in fact, truth be told, i had a bit of a weird facination with it, and spent a long time researching of there was anyway i could get there 'help'. heck, i even wrote to them once, begging about the misery of depression (bear in mind this was when i first found out about needing to give evidence at the court case, and i wasnt in the best of places). funnily enough, i never did get a reply. but having watched the death of the man (god rest his soul, he was so ill, i understand completely) on the programme, i feel wretched about the whole thing. so uneasy. i couldnt sleep for 2 nights, and we all know i am a champion sleeper, if nothing else. its not that it was wrong-because i dont believe it was -it was just cold, and clear cut, and so indifferent that it made me blood run cold. Death shouldnt be made to seem like a 'problem that can be dealt with', and the thing is, dignitas make it seem exactly like that. except your not arranging for your boiler to be fixed-your phoning up to book in your death.

i cant get that guy out of my head. and i cant settle. and then i think-well, i wonder if my mum would have liked to have died that way. i wonder if she would have years earlier.

Dignitas has thoroughly upset me, and its not even their fault.

*footnote.

'EXIT' ia another 'self deliverance/assisted suicide' orgainisation that appears to publish a DIY guide to killing yourself. they market it as something to have tucked away 'just in case'. NO NO NO. its just not right. theres something really not right about that. and thats coming from ME.