Starting again

Here we go again. I've been here before for sure. Food plans, blood tests, people trying to weigh me. 

But I want out 

Out into wellness

I'm qualified now. A proper Physio. I've got a job. I just want to be able to do it without the thoughts

Don't eat..don't eat..don't eat..skip breakfast because you need to run for train...skip lunch because you have client notes to write...skip dinner becaue you are so god damn bone tired and just want to sleep...dear god just be skinnier. Take up less space so you are less in the way. 

Work is killing me. I turn up with my sandwiches and fruits and yoghurt, as prescribed. For lunch they all have these Tupperware boxes full of eloboraye salads...I don't even know what they are

It makes me feel stupid. Makes me want to hide my hello kitty sandwich box, that I use as I had it on the day unit- it's for luck. For good times Sake. 

I just want to hide. 

And be smaller. So much smaller. 

So I fit in. 

Somewhere.