feeling left behind

I know i should have been able to move on my now. I wish i had, and wish i could. It is really pathetic to still be so caught up in this. I am so ashamed of it. I dont think its so caught up in how i look so more, but more about how i feel about myself. And sometimes that relates to weight, but its more than that - i just feel so worthless.

I know that I am trying to deal with the reasons i got ill now. but i just wish i could wipe it all out, and move on, cos it feels like the 'dealing with it' is making me more ill than the 'coping with it'.

and also i feel really stupid that so many other poeple i know have managed to move past it all. This blog is years old. I dont feel like ive made gains in all that time. and how pathetic is that?