having a bad day

you know, im fed up with people thinking that people with anorexia are far sicker than people with other kinds of ED's. Its just not true. Yes, i would agree thats its more visible to others - which makes getting help a WHOLE lot easier, let me tell you. But i really feel like my ED-not anorexia, but bulimia/EDNOS - is going to kill me. Its got me  and i feel merciless to it. it says i do. shit. I think a lot about suicide. But actually, when i think about death, i actually think im far more likely to die with my head over the toilet. happy days. my heart pounds, i get breathless walking a couple of steps and i feel like crap. And yet im still not eligible to go back to day patient treatment whilst waiting for an inpatient admission - because im not anorexic. London services, full to breaking point, now are only catering to those severly underweight. because thats fair, right? I puke up blood everyday, but im not underweight, so its a no go. it should not be this hard to get treatment and support.