putting it all back together

im thinking about applying to my PCT for funding for private inpatient treatment over the summer. my local service - which is a national centre also no longer treats those with bulimia as an inpatient. This makes me so ANGRY, because once again, anorexia takes priority over those with other ED's. other ED's which are just as dangerous, just as devastating and just as difficult to recover from.

Anyway.

Earlier in the year, around christmas time, I fractured my ribs. This has been really difficult to manage, because ive always been having a real struggle with vomiting again. and each time im sick, i yank them again, and they just wont heal properly. So i need some proper rest, but im really struggling with this. The trouble is, Uni helps me realise that there is a reason to recover, and its taken so long to get to a point where i have friends, and social stuff going on, and then theirs the horses...and if i stop and try to just inforce rest at home, everything else goes to pot.

Im a hell of a lot better than i was. but i hate the way that the vomiting had snuck up on me again. I guess i need to pull things back, but its so hard. It took so long to make friends at Uni and i dont want to have to explain why i need a break, or anything else. and the horses are a huge part of how i manage my depression. and i cant deal with losing that.

its so difficult.