december will be the start of my fifth month in treatment. Its seems an absolute age ago when i first went on to the inpatient ward in August. I started on the day unit fully in september, after a bit of a transition between the ward and home.
Things are shifting, but not in the way i thought they would. I talk more now, which i guess is why i use this blog less. It makes me feel really odd seeing all my old posts about self harm, and hospitals. I thought it was just about not vomitting, and eating for a long time, but its nothing to do with that, not really. so now i eat, and i throw up a lot less, and i havnt cut for a long time-well a long time for me, since september. thats amazing, when you think about it. I talk to the nurses, and my therapist (who i thank my lucky stars they didnt change when i went from outpatient care to IP), for the most part i eat my meal plan, and i sleep better.
so why am i not really happy?
whats still missing?
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3 years ago
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4 comments:
Hey Vic, you have come such a long way, that is awesome, so proud of you! And to be free of self harm since september is awesome as well. Good for you :) You should be very very proud of yourself.
*hugs*
Sarah
you'll get there, I'm sure of it. I used to follow your blog last year and then stopped posting myself. I thought I had recovered but ultimately relapsed badly. I can relate to your feelings of talking more, looking back on your old self (and the self harm, your old habits)..it seems weird. For me, though, it feels even weirder because I went BACK to the behaviors. Even though you may not feel like you're happy now, just remember the positives (being able to sleep, etc). I hope you can keep us updated with your recovery still :)
thanks Emmy :)
are you blogging again now? please leave me your blog address, blogger hates me and crashes everytime i click on your profile!
the trouble is, i feel like im one step away from having a massive relapse. i think thats whats getting to me so much-well, duh. but it feels like no matter how hard you try, its always just going to be there.and then that makes me wonder why im going through the relentlessness of treatment. i dunno.
Hope that you are ok x x x x
4 months is amazing and inspiring!
i think this is a great entry. i wrote one recently that talks about EDs beyond the surface, so i can really relate to the process of acknowledging that it's more than binging and purging.
i think part of the reason you might now be happy, is exactly what you said -- that its *not* about just the eating. so youve started to address the behaviors, but there's so, so, much more to it than that. the behaviors are only the beginning of the battle.
i do hope you make it! sounds like youve come a lonnnggg way! exciting! :)
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