ok, yeh, i know i say that a lot, but im finding things really hard at the moment. Having left the inpatient ward, i now attend day hospital, from 8-4pm weekdays. which means i get to spend a lot of time with myself at weekends. Edit. I get to spend a lot of time trying to resist the urge to puke until i pass out, and break various parts of myself. nice, huh. Sometimes, i think its kind of sad that it comes to that. And then i remember how bloody rubbish i am.
im wittering, and cant quite figure out the point im trying to make. so,yeh, i know its hard, and everyones says its hard-but where the heck did my life go. Because i feel like right now, i had more of a life when i was using Ed behaviours. And now my entire life is taken up with trying to stop myself from doing things.sometimes i can hardly find the energy to bloody breath. so i guess i must be getting something in this recovery shizz right, if its meant to be hard!
I havnt cut or anything else SI wise for 4 weeks now. I slipped up and made myself sick on thurs night, but before that it had been 2 weeks. Which is pretty impressive by my previous standards. days when ive been sick hitting on 60 times. no joke.
so, heyho.
I got some new goldfish today, cos i miss John Paul and Ray Quinn, who i had to leave in cornwall, SOOO much. I cant think of names for these 2 yet, but will put a piccy of them up soon.
xxx
Irregular Choice Festive Footwear 2022: Day 20
3 years ago
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I am thinking of names :)
*hug*
But you are getting there. It might be a bit much, but you ARE getting there. If you are trying to stop yourself, and you are stopping yourself, then that is proof that you are getting there.
I wish I could say "It won't be hard tomorrow!" but I can't. You have to relearn, but it will happen. It can happen, and I think it's important not to lose sight that you can beat this. Remember that.
xxxxx
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