progression

over a year without self harm...thats a really big deal.

ok, so i am still very much struggling with an eating disorder. my weight worries me. but- heres the thing.

the headspace is different.

im not ok with the Ed taking over me. i know what its like without it now, and know what makes it really kick off.

and im not having it. I know now i CAN be recovered, i can be better and i can feel happier with myself.

and that is where i am going to be again.

i know what works for me. i know that as frustrating as it is, i have to slowly cut down the vomitting before i can can just stop it. i know i have to do this by stretching the time out before i vomit until i can stop doing it. i know i can do it, because ive done it before. i know that i have to keep food diaries again, and i know i need to ask to see the dietician at services again, and keep trying to tell her about how things really are.

But I CAN do it. and im doing it right now. no SI, no Ed behaviours today. i can i CAN CAN CAN get better from this.

knowing i can is the real progress. It takes time to heal a lifetime of wounds and wrong, but im getting there.

i feel strong and proud.

I CAN BE WELL from this. i dont have to live my pass.

thats real progress