The inevitable-ness of it all

I dont know why i ever thought it would be any other way. The minute i let go and really trusted the team, they totally screw me over. How can i work with you when you cant even get the simple things right? I wish they could realise how much they keep hurting me. Everything ive worked so hard for is unravelling because they keep changing the goalposts and have this absolute mental block with communicating with eachother-which means each member of the team has different ideas of what you should be doing. Which does not help.

So i guess wthat it would always come back to this. that really, i know the only person i can sort of trust to not hurt me over an over again is myself. And being left woth just me to trust-well thats a bit shonky, seeing as i seem to have an inevitable need to end up dead.

I just needed to see that not everyone in the world breaks their promises, and shatters your heart and faith in to a million pieces in one big STAMP. I waited and hung in there so long to get this treatment, and i gave myself to it 100% and now...well whats the point when they can see whats in a textbppk, and not an actual person? they agree things with me, important things that have a bog impact, then change their minds over and over. They tell me if i follow the food plan then my weight will maintain. So why has it gone up so much now?

And then  people you thought were friends shit all over you. I am so supportive of my friends, and it HURTS that they are NEVER there for me when i need them the most. Or that they use the words they know will hurt the most, just because they can. Just because they know what they are, and they are feeling irritated. well, thats HURTS more than you will ever ever know.

i cant be doing with this anymore.

see ya